


Feel Like I Can Fall in Love

by GlitterGold



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Begging, Breathplay, Dubcon Cuddling, Fluff and Smut, Kink Meme, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Robot Sex, Robot/Human Relationships, Sub Sole Survivor, Trans Male Character, Trans Sole Survivor, Vaginal Fingering, Virginity, sad toaster man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 21:05:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5717053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterGold/pseuds/GlitterGold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nate is a virgin and doesn't want to be anymore. Solution? Ask your synth crush for some good old robot lovin'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feel Like I Can Fall in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Originally called 'V Stamp' on the kink meme (because that term cracks me up). Mostly smut, but there's a good bit of banter and fluff in there too. And also some robot angst and self esteem issues, because god knows we don't have enough of those as it is. Thanks for reading, and enjoy!

A pinch of ash fell from the tip of the cigarette between Nick’s lips. He stared. Ran a quick diagnostic, just to be sure he hadn’t heard wrong.  
  
“… So what you’re saying is, you want…”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“…To have  _sex…”_  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“…With me.”  
  
Nate’s red face grew even redder. He twiddled his thumbs. “That’s the gist of it, yes.”  
  
Nick wondered if he was being played for a fool, but—no. Nate wasn’t the type. The detective scrutinized him intensely, trying to turn this absurd request into something sensible in his head.  
“…Are you sure?”  
  
“Oh my god, Nick.”  
  
“With  _me?_  You weren’t looking for, I don’t know, Hancock? I’ll grant you, I can see how one would confuse me for a ghoul, but…”  
  
“Niiiick,” Nate whined. “This isn't the time for jokes.” He sounded desperate. The change in tone drew Nick’s eyes to Nate’s, where he saw the shine of impending waterworks. That was what happened whenever Nate was opening himself up to someone—he got nervous, scared out of his wits, and it was usually Nick who reassured him. This turning of the tables did not feel good.  _He’s terrified… of what, rejection? From me? How could he possibly think…_  
  
Nate’s lower lip was wibbling, just a little, but his wet eyes did not falter from Nick’s face. Though the fear was obvious in his posture and expression, he was sure of this decision.  _Damn,_  Nick thought.  _He’s really serious…_  
  
“Alright, easy there.” Nick put his left hand on Nate’s shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze. “Let’s just… talk this through, okay? You gotta admit, this came a bit outta left field.”  
  
Nate took a deep breath and exhaled through the tight O of his lips. “Yeah. Okay.”  
  
Nick put out his cigarette in the ashtray on his desk and led Nate around the corner, where they both took a seat on the bed. Nate fiddled with a rip in the hem of his shirt.  
  
He cleared his throat. “So… where should I start?”  
  
“Not to be predictable, but the beginning would be a good first step.”  
  
“Then I guess, uh… well, I guess I should start with this. I…” His voice became quiet. “I’m a virgin.”  
  
Nick stared intently, waiting for the punchline. Upon realizing that  _was_  the big revelation, he raised both his hands in mock surprise. “Stop the presses.”  
  
The strangled noise that came out of Nate’s throat did not sound like it came from a human. “Come on, Nick, this is already embarrassing! Don’t make fun of me!”  
  
That warm, mechanical chuckle was almost worth the humiliation. “Sorry, partner,” he said, and to his credit, he did sound genuine. “It’s pretty obvious, that’s all.”  
  
Nate frowned. “Not  _that_  obvious. I mean, Shaun…”  
  
“Heard you mention to Garvey once that Shaun was adopted. And I’ve got an ear for the different types of language people use. You talk about Nora like she was a good friend, sure, but not the love of your life… My condolences,” he added in a low tone, knowing that Nate still suffered moments of grief for his lost wife from time to time. They were getting farther apart, though, and generally involved fewer tears and more stories of happier times. Nick was proud of the guy for his progress.  
  
Nate huffed and crossed his arms. “Do you have to be such a detective all the time?”  
  
“’Fraid so. Never found an off switch.”  
  
“Okay, well, regardless… I’ve never done…  _that_  with anyone, so I hope you understand how serious I am when I say I want this. This world is so different, it’s been hard to adjust, but I’ve been coping. Having to work so hard just to survive here, to say nothing of helping others—it’s given me strength and confidence I never had before the vault. I feel really good about myself for the first time in a long time. Maybe ever. I feel like I’ve  _done_  things, made a difference. I feel like I can find my son, despite everything.” Those dark brown eyes were back on Nick now, full of determination and honesty and… something else. Something that most certainly shouldn’t be there. “I feel like I can fall in love.”

Nick had to stop him right there. He couldn’t possibly mean that. That look in his eyes right now had to be a mistake. “Nate…” He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of all the people you could’ve chosen—”  
  
But Nate wasn’t having any of it. “No, Nick, let me finish. If I don’t get this out now, I’ll lose my nerve forever.” His posture hardened up, like he was literally steeling himself. “I like you. A lot. I always have, since the moment we met and I had to save your tin ass from a girl with a baseball bat.” Nick elbowed him in the ribs. He smiled. “Those feelings have only gotten stronger the longer we’ve known each other… Nick, I don’t know what I would do out here without you. Probably die horribly in the stupidest way imaginable. I’ve never met anyone like you, after the war or before.”  
  
“I think that goes without saying,” Nick interjected, giving the metal in his jaw a tap.  
  
“You know what I mean. I… you’re kind, and patient, and brilliant, and… just  _amazing_.” He paused to take a calming breath, because this was starting to sound a little bit like the holotape Nora left him before all of this. “You mean so much to me, and… I’m ready.”  
  
An objection to the stream of compliments was on the tip of his tongue, but Nick refrained. Then he murmured, a little afraid of the answer, “…Ready?”  
  
Nate gave a solemn nod. “Ready to go for it. To give myself to the person I love, completely and with no fear.” He huffed out a breathy laugh. “To finally lose my V stamp.”  
  
At that, Nick couldn’t help but laugh, though it was a bit strained from the tension. “Is that what the kids are saying now?”  
  
Nate gave him a smile that might be called “adoring.” If Nick had a heart, it would’ve melted. “I know it might sound silly, but I feel like this is something I have to do. I feel like it’ll cement who I am now. Prove how far I’ve come from the me I was before the war. I want to do this, Nick. With you. No one else.”  
  
It went quiet.  
  
“…Nick? Don’t leave me hanging here.”  
  
Nick sighed. “You know, you might’ve started this conversation with the ‘I love you’ bit and worked your way up to ‘let’s have sex.’”  
  
Nate groaned. “Nick…”  
  
“I’m just sayin’, usually you at least buy a guy  _dinner_  first—”  
  
“I’m baring my soul here, you clockwork dick!”  
  
“Sorry, sorry.” His mechanical hand went up in surrender. “Look, I’m… damn it. Damn me. I won’t lie to you, Nate, I feel something here too. Something big. I’m just not sure if any of this is a good idea. Or even  _possible_. I don’t even have a…” He trailed off, making a vague gesture at his lower body.  
  
Nate shrugged with a lopsided smile. “I don’t either.”  
  
“You know what I mean. You have functional equipment, with nerve endings and what-have-you. I’ve got nothing but a smooth surface. I wasn’t built for this sort of thing.”  
  
“Well… using your body in unintended ways sounds like a great way to stick it to the Institute, if you ask me,” Nate teased.  
  
“I can’t even stick it to  _you,_  Nate. That’s what I’m trying to say.” He sighed and rubbed his forehead.  _As soon as you see all of me, you’re gonna be disappointed, and I don’t know if I could stand to see that._  Part of him wanted to voice that thought, but downplaying his insecurities was a game Nick Valentine had long ago mastered. “It’s not gonna be like you’re expecting.”  
  
“How do you know that? Maybe I already knew that about you, Nick. I’ve seen enough gen 2s to make a few guesses about how you look under that old coat.” He averted his eyes and toyed with the hem of his shirt again. “And, to be honest… I’ve spent  _a lot_  of time guessing.”  
  
Damn this man. Nick swore he was trying to find a way to make him blush, synthetic skin be damned.  
  
Nate continued in a lighter tone that did not quite cancel out the fragile hope in his eyes. “We’ll just have to get creative. I have plenty of ideas. So… I’ve said my piece. What do you say?”

He should say no, Nick knew. Being with a synth? That was asking for disaster, and like hell would Nick ever invite any scorn on Nate by association with himself. He felt guilty enough for the trouble that befell the man when they were just traveling together. If they became more than friends, it would get out eventually—if he knew Nate, he wouldn’t want to hide it. It could destroy Nate’s standing with the people of Diamond City, at the very least. It could certainly destroy a few choice friendships.  
  
But those eyes were boring into him with such raw emotion, such care and sincere desire. And Nick  _did_  want this. Whatever this was. Whatever it would turn into. His own emotions were betraying him.  
  
Then longer Nick was silent, the more Nate wilted. “O-of course… I don’t want you to feel pressured at all. Hell, that’s the last thing I want. If you don’t want to, I understand…”  
  
Oh, that tore it. “Okay. Let’s try it.”  
  
It took a second for the penny to drop. “…Really? You want to?”  
  
Nick offered a reassuring smile, and covered up Nate’s hand with his. “Yeah. I really do.”  
  
The absolute joy on Nate’s face made the whole rest of that awkward conversation worth it.  
  
It was like Nick’s approval flipped a switch. Suddenly the shy, stuttering, uncertain Nate couldn’t get his clothes off fast enough. His shirt and shoes were strewn across the floor before Nick could blink.  
  
“Now wait a minute, are you sure you want to do this here?”  
  
Nate paused with his pants down to his knees. “Why? You think Ellie is gonna come in this late?”  
  
He shook his head. “She’s out for the night. Staying with a relative. But it’s not exactly the most romantic environment.”  
  
“Any place I can be alone with you is the most romantic environment in the world.”  
  
“That would’ve been a good sight more romantic if you hadn’t been mooning me while you said it.”  
  
“…Oops.” Nate hadn’t realized he’d pulled his boxers down along with his pants. He yanked them back up, then felt like an idiot because they were going to come off again in a few seconds anyway. He distracted himself from his own clumsiness by kicking his pants off into the corner.  
  
Suddenly, Nate noticed a little detail out of the corner of his eye and turned to stare at Nick. “You, uh… you planning on staying dressed the whole time or…?”  
  
Nick looked down at himself, as if he has just noticed he had clothes on. “Oh. I guess generally people do this in the nude, don’t they.”  
  
“Generally.” Nate’s amused little smirk was too endearing.  
  
Nick started with his tie. The fabric slid out of the knot slowly and was carefully placed underneath the bed. His trench coat slipped off his shoulders neatly and was folded and placed alongside the tie. His hands were at the collar of his button-up when he paused, the gravity of what they were about to do finally hitting him. “…Technically, we’re both a little new at this.” He tried to keep his tone light, casual. No idea if he succeeded.  
  
“Sure,” said Nate, “but you at least have memories of it, from before. Right?”  
  
Boy, did he have memories of it. But he really didn’t need to be thinking about Jenny right now. “Right… Just don’t go expecting some sort of Casanova. I’m gonna need a while to get in the swing of things.”  
  
Nate laughed. “It’s gonna be  _fine_ , Nick. It’s not like I have any standards to fall short of. You were here for the conversation about the V stamp, right?”  
  
“Couldn’t forget it if I wanted to.”  
  
“Shut up.”  
  
Nate tugged his binder up and over his head. Unlike the rest of his clothes, he took great care of this garment, going into the other room to lay it flat on top of a file cabinet. Binders weren’t as ubiquitous as, say, a T-shirt and jeans, and he couldn’t be assured of scavenging another one in his size and in good condition if this one were to wear out. He removed his boxers while he was at it, shivering at the feel of the crisp night air on his eager nether region, before returning to the bedroom.

Nick was left staring in something like awe upon seeing Nate naked for the first time. Not in awe of his body (though that was certainly a sight for sore eyes) so much as the profound trust. In their more intimate moments, Nate had sometimes admitted he wasn’t always 100% comfortable with his body, but here, buck naked and alone with a synth in a rickety old detective agency, there was not a whiff of shame to be found. Seeing him like this was almost divine—something greater than he deserved, surely. Once more, Nick was taken aback by how  _serious_  Nate obviously was about all this.  
  
“…Wow.” He could smack himself. Was that really all he could say?  
  
Nate shrunk into himself a little and averted his eyes, the shyness seeping back in—but he was smiling uncontrollably. The pink of his cheeks was equal parts nervousness and excitement, Nick thought—a very virginal mixture of emotions. Awfully cute. “Heh… I can’t help but notice you’re still encumbered,” Nate said. “I’d like to see a little ‘wow’ myself, you know…”  
  
Nick remembered his hands were still frozen at his collar, as they had been for the last minute.  
  
“Here,” Nate said, his voice soft as velvet. “Let me help you with that.” He gently took Nick’s hands and pulled them away, and a set of warm, organic fingers took their place on the first button. His hands were trembling, Nick noticed, but he didn’t object as Nate slowly, clumsily made his way down his shirt, one button at a time.  
  
As he did so, Nick’s left hand moved to Nate’s waist and stroked the soft flesh there, causing a noticeable shiver to crawl up Nate’s spine. A shaky exhale escaped his lips.  _Well_  then. That was a neat little reaction. It was satisfying to know that he could get that sound out of Nate with just a touch. Nick brought the other hand up—the metal one—and lightly drew the sharp fingertips along his waist on the other side. Nate practically fell against him and clutched at his shirt, his quest to remove it thoroughly interrupted. Only one button remained. The synth’s grip on his midsection tightened to keep him upright, and Nate felt more than heard the deep chuckle that resonated through his chest. “Let’s get you somewhere more comfortable.” He felt himself being guided backwards. His eyes wouldn’t move from the tantalizing expanse of synthetic skin in front of him, just inches away, so close to finally being uncovered…  
  
The backs of his knees hit the bed. He sat gracelessly with a squeak of rusty bedsprings. Nick stood above him, halfway to being in the state which Nate had been fantasizing about for months. His fingers itched to tear off that last button, but then it seemed Nick was overcome with a surge of confidence, as Nate suddenly found mismatched hands on either side of his face, angling it upward, and then the detective leaned down, and Nate forgot how to breathe.  
  
Nick stopped an inch before his lips met Nate’s. The light from his optics became dimmer on Nate’s face as his eyelids grew heavier. Good god, he wanted to. But he had to be sure. “Nate.” He could barely hear his own voice. “Only if you’re absolutely certain…”  
  
The man practically vibrated between his hands. “Fuck, Nick, please… just kiss me.  _Please_.”  
  
The pleading, the sheer  _need_  in that tone did him in. He leaned forward that last little bit and pressed their lips together, deeply and slowly, as if trying to savor Nate with a sense of taste he didn’t have. The man was too overwhelmed to respond at first, only capable of making tiny hums and twisting his fingers into the back of Nick’s shirt. When he mustered enough self-control to return the gesture, his tongue was like a tide, pushing in eagerly and then reluctantly receding, only to come back with twice the force. One pair of hands wandered across bare skin, another slipped under clothing and felt every inch they could reach. At some point in the exchange, Nate got turned around so he was fully stretched out on the bed with Nick hovering over him, their chests not quite touching.

Nate was so overcome with new sensations that he almost forgot he needed to breathe. Only when his lungs started to ache did he pull away from the synth, gasping like a man half-drowned.  
  
Nick, who  _didn’t_  need to breathe, just watched in rapt fascination. The naked chest rising and falling rapidly, the lips that were now red and swollen, the eyes glazed with lust… He did this. What a wild world it was, where someone like him could have this effect on someone like Nate.  
  
He slid down lower and gently pecked the base of Nate’s throat. “You too.”  
  
At first it didn’t seem like he was heard, but gradually Nate’s eyes focused on him and he mumbled, “Huh?” his voice thick and husky.  
  
“You’re amazing too.” A kiss to the sternum. “And I ain’t gonna let you forget it.”  
  
Those deep brown eyes went wide and wet, and Nick swore he could see stars in them. Then he headed off any possible coherent response by trailing one finger down through the forest of thick curly hair and circling Nate’s clit.  
  
Nate arched off the bed as if electrified, and for a moment Nick was afraid that was what happened, silly a notion though it was. The man’s mouth was open in a silent moan, his knees were shaking as if in a storm, and his eyes rolled back so far only a sliver of brown was visible. His whole body writhed side to side as he was teased with a barely-there touch that nonetheless blew any fantasy out of the water. Nothing he’d ever done to himself in a dark room with a fireman calendar had ever made him this sensitive. It was like he always heard: it felt better from someone else’s hands than your own. “Nnnngh… p-please don’t stop…”  
  
Well. Far be it from Nick to refuse such a polite request. One hand continued to tease the sensitive nub, alternately rubbing and flicking and swirling around it, while the other slid behind Nate’s lower back and lifted. He positioned his knees underneath Nate, then settled the man’s lower body down in his lap, giving him a better angle of access. As if by instinct, Nate’s legs immediately clamped around his still-clothed torso, quivering all the while. That worked just fine for Nick. With no need to hold his partner in place, he could now use both hands to pleasure him. His flesh hand stayed down below while the metal one traveled up Nate’s belly, left a tingling trail across his ribs, and stopped uncertainly just under one erect nipple. They didn’t really set any ground rules before getting down to business, so Nick wasn’t sure which body parts were off limits. He looked at Nate questioningly… or tried to, but it seemed Nate’s eyes were otherwise occupied. His head was thrown back so far he probably couldn’t see anything but wall, assuming his eyes were even open.  
  
Apparently the sudden absence of the thin metal fingers bothered him. His voice was breathy and rough. “ _More,_  Nick. I need you. I need you to touch me. Anywhere, god, just--!”  
  
He was at once amused and astonished by the wanton behavior of his friend. Not in a million years would he have pictured Nate in this position, but now that he’d seen it, he was sure the image would last exactly that long. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.” And the peak of Nate’s breast promptly started receiving attention. The effect was immediate. Every exhale turned into a low moan. Nate’s bottom lip was caught between his teeth, looking almost painful.   
  
Feeling more daring, Nick kept pressure on Nate’s button with his thumb and started trailing his pointer finger up and down his slit. There was plenty of moisture, all right; a trickle of juice gathered on the tip of his finger as he explored the exterior. Then he started to push past the folds and into the tight crevice beyond.  
  
“N-not too far,” came Nate’s shaky voice between heavy pants. “I’ve tried and it feels kinda weird, so… just a little bit… inside.”  
  
Nick nodded, though it was doubtful Nate could see it. He was glad for the instruction. God forbid he mess up a moment like this.

He didn’t push farther inside. Instead, he let his fingertip stay where it was, and added a second one alongside it, just barely parsing the entrance. Then a third. He was surprised at the lack of resistance to the intrusion, but then, he supposed, it really wasn’t an intrusion. Nate had been ready and waiting for this for as long as they had known each other, according to the man himself. His entrance was wet and supple, easily accommodating whatever Nick gave. He tried stretching his three fingers apart a bit, just to see. The sound Nate made was downright musical. He did it again, farther apart, and held it longer. This time Nate breathed his name, long and low, and Nick was pretty sure that was what heaven sounded like.  
  
He continued toying, not penetrating but tugging and testing the elasticity of the moist flesh. Sometimes he removed his fingertips and ran them around the edges of the slit, weaving them among the dark hair. All the while, his thumb rubbed up and down ceaselessly, and his right hand alternated between playing with the stiff pink nipples and running down the path from his throat to his crotch. It seemed to be working for Nate just fine. But Nick wasn’t aiming for “just fine” here. He’d been asked to take this man’s virginity, and by golly, he wasn’t planning on taking it quietly. Beyond using his hands on known sensitive parts, though, he was rather at a loss for what more he could do.  
  
In a tone that he  _hoped_  conveyed a sense of  _’I know exactly what I’m doing, I just want to hear you ask for it,’_  Nick said, “Tell me what you need, Nate.”  
  
The response could hardly be called such, as it was mostly heavy breathing. “Nng… need you… more of you...” Then the words gave way to panting.  
  
Well that cleared things up. Nick pursed his lips. Something would come to him. He would just have to wing it. Figuring out creative solutions on the fly was a hallmark of the detective lifestyle, after all.  
  
He removed his hands from Nate’s chest and opening respectively (earning an adorable whine) and hooked them under Nate’s knees. It took some doing to pry those clingy legs away from his waist, but he managed.  
  
Nate leveled his head down to gaze at Nick, his expression likely something along the lines of a kicked puppy. He almost objected to the halt in activity when he realized what Nick was doing. With an easy sort of strength that Nate had never noticed before, the synth lifted his bottom half so his knees were draped over his shoulders rather than wrapped around his torso. It left him utterly exposed, wet and twitching, mere inches from Nick’s face. He couldn’t even see his mouth or nose anymore—just those intense yellow optics, half lidded, framed between the brim of his hat and the soft curve of Nate’s belly. The whole world shrunk down to that image. Just like that, he was completely compromised. He was at the mercy of the gentlest force in the world, with nothing to do but give himself up entirely. He had never felt more vulnerable, or safer, or more aroused.  
  
Nick cupped Nate’s buttocks in both hands to keep him firmly in place, closing his eyes to savor the new position. He could smell him, his juices mingling with the salty aroma of his sweat. If he had the parts, this scent would probably make him harder than concrete. As it was, it just let him know how good a job he’d done so far, and that was pleasing in its own right.

The soft flesh on either side of his face was awfully tempting. He planted a kiss on the underside of one thigh, and then did the other, and back to the first one. His lips grew closer to Nate’s entrance with each peck. Then finally, when the next round would have brought his mouth directly onto the swollen mound… he blew instead. A cool stream of air tickled Nate’s nethers with barely any force, but it might as well have been a vibrator for the reaction it garnered. His whole body seemed to clench. Nick could feel the round muscles of Nate’s ass tighten up in his palms, and watched as a bead of clear liquid was forced out of his slit and began trailing down his perineum. He tried blowing again, but the reaction wasn’t quite as extreme this time. Time to combine techniques. The detective adjusted his weight so he could cradle Nate’s lower back with just one arm, leaving the other hand free to roam back to his clit.  
  
A pattern started from there. Nick would rub and massage and tease until Nate started arching his back, his eyes going unfocused, and then he would abruptly take his hand away and start lightly blowing instead. He enjoyed watching the hairs tremble like grass in the wind. He never thought he could use air like this. It wasn’t something he did most of the time—inhaling and exhaling, that is. It was a function he only ever used when smoking (or, more accurately, when  _appearing_  to smoke, because it wasn’t as if the vapor actually did anything for him). But this—this was a pleasure greater than any nicotine, and he reckoned twice as addictive.  
  
Nate was going out of his mind. The heavy petting kept pushing him close to the edge, ready to dive over, only to be held in place, unable to move forward or back, when it was replaced by a thin stream of air. And then it would start again. He needed to reach his peak, he needed more than just Nick’s breath, every atom of his body begged for it. He wanted—he wanted—oh god, he wanted Nick’s lips on him, his tongue, he wanted to feel the vibrations of his voice pressed up against him. His breaths came shallow and hot. His hips bucked uncontrollably, desperate to find more contact, more friction, just  _more._  “Ha… I’m g-getting… I’m so close… nn… please.  _Please!_ ”  
  
“I’m not in charge here, Nate. You can finish any old time you like. Just say the word…”  
  
Nate let out the longest, most pitiful whine he had ever heard. “ _Nick…!_ ”  
  
The detective smirked. “That’s the one.” And his tongue came out and gave Nate a single long, hard lick from bottom to top, finishing with a suckling kiss on his clit.  
  
Nate screamed.  
  
With one arm supporting the weight of Nate’s lower body, Nick quickly put his fingertips back inside the slippery entrance so he could feel what was happening. He found his fingers being squeezed tightly together by the force of Nate’s orgasm. Every muscle in his body was rigid for a few long seconds. For lack of a reason not to, Nick continued lightly massaging around his entrance as he spasmed, milking the departure of his virginity for all it was worth. It lasted longer than expected. When Nate finally started going limp, Nick couldn’t resist giving that over-sensitized nub one last little flick before carefully unhooking Nate’s legs from around his neck and lowering him onto the mattress.  
  
Nate flopped down bonelessly. For the next few minutes he could do nothing but catch his breath. He barely registered when Nick rose from the bed, or when he came back with a damp cloth and slowly wiped away the sweat and the trickles of moisture that had escaped him during the act. It felt good. Not sexy good, not like it would have a minute ago. More… comforting good. ‘A tender moment between lovers’ good. When he felt Nick’s weight make an indentation in the bed again, Nate finally found the energy to open his eyes. He captured Nick’s gaze and said the first thing that came to mind: “I love you.”

Nick stiffened a little. He  _knew_  by now, of course, he had to, but now there was a new element to hearing it straight out like that—the expectation of a response. He forced his shoulders to relax, hoping his alarm wasn’t too obvious. Nate must have noticed anyway. He sat up on his elbows and pushed out the next words in a hurry: “Oh, you don’t need to say it back or anything. O-or, I mean, you can if you  _want_  to, but I don’t expect you to. I just… wanted you to know. How I feel. About you.” And he went quiet, looking away with an awkward clearing of the throat.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
A metal finger crooked under his chin and slowly lifted his head until Nate and Nick were eye to eye.  
  
“Maybe I can’t say the words today, and maybe not tomorrow. But for you? I feel like I can fall in love.”  
  
Nate could feel the moisture building in his eyes, damn them. He stared, and stared, and then bit his lip and stifled a laugh. “That’s sappy as hell, Nick.”  
  
“I took the words right outta your mouth, Nate.”  
  
“Yeah, but we already knew I was sappy as hell. With  _you_  it’s new informa—” Nick shut him up with a kiss, which he wholeheartedly returned.  
  
When they parted, Nate was red-faced and smiley. He had one arm looped around Nick’s neck and the other hand ran down his chest, playing with the seams in his skin, until…  
  
“…Wait just a fucking minute here.” Nate looked down at the target of his exclamation. One button, still keeping the shirt partially closed. A shirt, still upon his dear synth’s torso. And pants, into which said shirt was still tucked. “You’re still dressed, you…!”  
  
Nick quickly tried to diffuse the Nate bomb with another kiss, but this time he was impeded by a finger on his lips. He cursed inwardly.  
  
“Nick.” Nate’s tone was chastising, like he was talking to a bad dog instead of the guy who’d just taken his virginity. Nick would have found it amusing if he wasn’t on the receiving end. “Let me make something clear, in case I haven’t already. I  _love_  you. Love-love. With a capital L. I didn’t go into this planning to just take pleasure and give nothing back.” His eyes got softer. “I want to make you feel good too. Can I? Will you let me do that for you?”  
  
He almost said no straightaway. There were parts of him that nobody should be subjected to seeing, least of all a new lover. The word ‘turnoff’ wouldn’t even cover it. And that wasn’t even mentioning his lack of parts to please. But Nate was a resilient bastard. The puppy dog eyes conspired with the hand stroking his chest to overcome his objections. With a sigh, he made himself look Nate in the eye. “Alright. Go ahead and try… I’m afraid my anatomy ain’t gonna make it easy for you, though.”  
  
Nate wasn’t overjoyed by the reluctance, but he was an optimist. “I’ll  _find_  a way to make it good for you. Promise.” And then he finally undid the last button and whipped the shirt open.  
  
Nick flinched.  
  
Nate blanched.  
  
There were holes. Just… gaping wounds, out in the open. Places where skin should be that it wasn’t. A gap opened up between the plates of his chest and his stomach, with jagged lines like the skin had been ripped off. Bullet holes, black around the edges, were scattered across his chest like birthmarks. The plate on his left side might as well have been gone. There were dents—were those  _teeth marks?_ —in the rebar underneath. And he could only imagine what he would see if he went further, if he removed the sleeves and the pants as well. His hand clapped over his mouth to stifle a gasp. What  _did_  this? What hurt him like this—or who?  
  
He looked at Nick’s face. It was hanging down, mostly covered by the brim of his hat. His mouth was set in a deep frown. With a horrible clarity, Nate realized what his reaction must look like. He grabbed Nick’s face, with perhaps too much force, and brought him into a desperate kiss, and was dismayed when he felt no reaction. “Nick,” he said as he rubbed his thumbs up and down the marred cheekbones. “No no no, that’s not… Nick, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I just wanted to… I thought it would be okay. I’m so sorry.”

Nick barely tilted his head up. Nate’s tearful babbling stirred regret in him. He should have stopped this sooner, before it had a chance to be stopped by something like this.  _Here I go again, screwing up a perfectly good thing by being me…_  
  
“Nick, listen to me. It’s not what you’re thinking.” Nate tugged his face upward to capture his eyes, leaving no room for nonsense. Nick’s sorrowful expression just about killed him. “It’s not like that. I love you, I love looking at you,  _all_  of you. It’s just that seeing these for the first time… these old wounds, it’s like—I’m looking at pieces that have been torn out of you, Nick. I can’t help but imagine how it happened, and who did it, and how much it must have  _hurt_  you.”  
  
“They haven’t hurt for a long time,” Nick mumbled with a distant tone. “…You sure that’s all? ‘Cause I’d understand if… well, if you don’t like what you see. I get it. You don’t need to—”  
  
Nate’s grasp on his cheeks became even firmer, and his expression turned hard and formidable. “No.” He punctuated the simple statement with a kiss. To his relief, he felt Nick kissing back, even if the effort was a little weak. “Don’t say it.” Kiss. “Don’t even think it.” Kiss.  
  
And thus began the second make-out session of the night. Nick started out slow and hesitant in his vulnerability, while Nate focused on touching every inch of skin his hands could reach. Where he might have been wary of hurting Nick before, he now let his fingers skirt around the edges of the breaks in his skin, trying to make up for his blunder by reinforcing how much he adored Nick, body and mind. It was a little strange, feeling holes in his lover, but he reminded himself not to be discouraged. They weren’t really wounds, per se—they were damage, and Nick had confirmed they didn’t cause him pain anymore. He left a line of kisses down the seams of Nick’s torso, across the jagged edges, and stopped when the synthetic skin ended and a leather belt began. Then he made his way back up, offering soothing hums and gentle strokes all the while.  
  
This session wasn’t as impassioned as the first, instead erring on the side of soft and gentle. They took turns exploring each other’s bodies, and while one’s hands were roaming, the other was kissing a neck or a cheek or a forehead. They lost track of time like this. Somewhere in the mix, Nick lost his hat and his shirt, and couldn’t find it in himself to feel bad about it. It wasn’t until the sounds of a building thunderstorm broke the chorus of kisses and breathy sighs that they became aware of the outside world again, and separated.  
  
Nate lay halfway on top of Nick, with one arm draped over his chest and a finger drawing circles on his shoulder. Nick slowly rubbed Nate’s back for the simple pleasure of feeling him.  
  
“Hey.”  
  
Nick turned his head to a somewhat awkward angle to look at Nate. “Yeah?”  
  
“I’m sorry. I should’ve realized you didn’t want to get undressed.”  
  
Nick stared at him for five whole seconds. Then he reached up and flicked the man’s nose, earning a yelp. “I’ve had about enough of your apologies, bub. You say sorry one more time, I might just be inclined to give you a spanking.”  
  
Nate bit down on his smile. “…Promise?”  
  
“Oh, pipe down.”  
  
“Sorry,” said Nate, wearing the most shit-eating grin. “Sorry, sorry, sorry—”  
  
“Hush up, now. I couldn’t do it tonight, anyway. I’m not a  _machine._ ” Nick placed a long hard kiss on top of his head, and Nate went quiet after a chuckle.  
  
It didn’t last long. “…Nick?”  
  
“Hm?”  
  
“What do you want to do now?”  
  
Nick tugged him closer. “Let’s just stay like this awhile. I’ve got nowhere to be.”  
  
“Yeah,” Nate agreed. “Me neither.”  
  
One fell asleep to the whisper of rain on the roof of the agency, and the other continued caressing.  _Why, I do believe I could fall in love…_  
  
\--  
  
Sometime in the early morning, the front door opened.  
  
“Nick? You here?” called a feminine voice over the whistle of stormy wind.  
  
Nick’s eyes went wide.  
  
Nate stirred irritably on top of him, perfectly naked.  
  
This sure was going to be a hell of a thing to explain to Ellie…  
  
“…Why is there a training bra on top of the cabinet?”  
  
Nate groaned loudly. “It’s a  _binder._ ”  
  
…Make that two things.


End file.
